You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
