So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
