did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
