he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
