Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
