remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize