Well douche your snatch and let's go!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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