I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
