cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize