I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
These tits shall not be calmed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
