clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
