I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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