Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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