bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
