I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
