I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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