you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
