I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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