one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
