i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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