oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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