Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
