started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I am naked and annoyed.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
