i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
