im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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