I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
