I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You've changed since you got that strap on
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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