to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
