i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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