do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
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I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
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The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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