david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize