I'm drive I can fine osifer
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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