I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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