these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Randomize
