i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
