but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
