There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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