So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
