So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
