my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
