so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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