You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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