4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
