I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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