Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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