I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
