Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
