When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
