so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
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my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
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He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened