Texts From Last Night

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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible

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  (859): I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible http://tfl.nu/51ze
  Replies (22) Good night (726) Bad night (3029)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?

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  (803): I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low? http://tfl.nu/crwl
  Replies (13) Good night (1154) Bad night (4806)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.

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  (248): Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll. http://tfl.nu/4l0s
  Replies (14) Good night (5391) Bad night (799)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.

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  (303): At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends. (1-303): At about the same time you guys weren't burritos. http://tfl.nu/mxci
  Replies (27) Good night (8113) Bad night (1032)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"

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  (313): Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ" http://tfl.nu/pk0t
  Replies (41) Good night (15327) Bad night (1383)
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  (760): View more from California

  My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?

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  (760): My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this? http://tfl.nu/9ow4
  Replies (8) Good night (7470) Bad night (1113)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit

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  (901): He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit http://tfl.nu/0txt
  Replies (8) Good night (998) Bad night (2584)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.

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  (763): I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder. http://tfl.nu/dpkn
  Replies (7) Good night (2600) Bad night (1230)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?

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  (940): Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito? http://tfl.nu/3rt4
  Replies (11) Good night (2463) Bad night (639)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.

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  (210): you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug. http://tfl.nu/nztu
  Replies (8) Good night (2684) Bad night (717)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.

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  (917): I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside. http://tfl.nu/ng1w
  Replies (3) Good night (939) Bad night (576)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains

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  (919): the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains http://tfl.nu/cfm9
  Replies (5) Good night (458) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.

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  (504): You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men. http://tfl.nu/6nuf
  Replies (9) Good night (1503) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am

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  (724): He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am http://tfl.nu/u9dt
  Replies (3) Good night (549) Bad night (328)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written

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  (216): I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written http://tfl.nu/tojk
  Replies (0) Good night (250) Bad night (107)

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