The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..