im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
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my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
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In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
