I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
