he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
