i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
