Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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