Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
