she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize