Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
