Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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