I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
