THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
