he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
