Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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