my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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