Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
